POTTERS BAR ON TOUR

By 9 at the club we were told to arrive

But Frankie was stuck on the M25
People got flustered and some were quite shirty
But eventually, coach loaded, we left at 10.30
A stop for the elderly for a drink and the loo
Saw us landing at Gunton sometime around 2
Lyn and I were in 13 Hawthorn, just a short ride
The chalet was perfect but dodgy neighbours each side
After checking the rooms and unpacking the bags
We went to the bar for a drink with our wags
From there to the restaurant with so many choices
The table behind us was loud with raised voices
David said “sorry it’s Richard to blame,
Ever since we beat Harpenden he’s not been the same”
We all had our fill and went back to the bar
The music was 60’s or sometime afar
The singer was wanting to be “Bobby’s girl”
When a voice next to me said “my middle names’s Bobby as well”
This raised a laugh and a shaking of heads
With this we all wilted and went to our beds

Tuesday was so hot, it brought out peoples freckles
But no need to worry, we were bowling at Beccles
When the coach reached Beccles, we split to two greens
One for the have nots, the other for has beens
Onto the green dressed in all club apparel
The one naughty person was a lady called Carole
“I’ve only got one shirt, and that’s on the line”
But Jan rubbing his hands said “that’s another big fine”

With five rinks all sorted Jan was having a fit
A person was needed to get him out of the shit
Young Pat Thompson was available and willing to play
But she had no woods on this particular day
Jan said “use mine, but I will want them back,
No need to worry they’ve never been near the Jack”
At age 92 a blinder she did play
She offered to buy them but Jan said “no way,
I’m going for coaching when I get back,
Then perhaps when I use them they’ll get near the Jack”
While this was all happening “wrong bias” was the cry
Dave Arnold and Barry Woodman were being so sly
They hoped no one noticed and the misdemeanour would pass
No chance with old Pearcey, the cunning old grass
Back off the coach, Brenda hit the ground hard
Someone said Barry tripped her, so he got a red card
She was soon on her feet though, Brenda’s no wimp
Spent the rest of the week with a very slight limp
Sometime around 3, nine of us all got away
Like leaving Colditz I guess back in the day
Out the back entrance to the road we took flight
We walked and we walked, not a bus stop in sight
We sent scout Lucas ahead to survey the land
Finally boarding a bus with bus passes in hand
We eventually reached Lowestoft and went for a stroll
As we walked through the centre Carole said “what a shit hole”
Onwards we walked till we reached the front line
We sat for a rest, Barry reminiscing about time
After a break and an ice cream with flake
The return on the bus we decided to make
We crept back in the back way as sweet as a nut

No one had missed us as we entered our hut
That night after dinner to the lounge we did go
All hoping that England would win two games in a row
The 0-0 scoreline brought out a collective moan
With some people thinking perhaps it’s not coming home

Wednesday was hotter as the coach left the site
With a journey to Caister and Martham in sight
Jan, playing at Caister, had a problem that day
It just so happened that Pat couldn’t play
She still went to watch though and cheer the guys on
And when the bowling was finished she met her friend John
He offered a drink, “perhaps have a whisky”
“No thanks said Pat, it might make you frisky”
A photo was taken as she made for the door
Pat was just wanting friendship, but John wanted more
That night back at base camp, people falling in fits
Poor Warwick and big Chris they both had the shits
Brian too had a migraine, they were falling full throttle
Carole’s problem she said was a leak in her bottle
As darkness fell, quarantine brought real fears
Barry was worried we’d be here for years
Ron was watching the football, it was making him ill
Scotland well beaten by a rampant Brazil

Thursday’s the last day, but don’t shed a tear
We’re heading to Freethorpe the same as last year
Another warm day and quite a long ride
Seven rinks we were playing, against a very strong side
The game was shortened so we didn’t end late
We ended up losing by the small score of eight
After having some eats and queueing up for the bar

Keith started serving a right little star
Now it’s late Thursday, the heat’s at it’s peak
It’s time to thank Jan/Jan for another great week
All the organisation and time that they spend
The phone calls and e mails are appreciated no end
Several other club officers are here with us too
There’s Julie and David and Ron without Sue
Now Ron is club captain, makes out he’s a Scot
He’s mad for the Madri and drinks quite a lot
But a very good captain who’s honest and fair
Even when some selections get the odd Penney stare
It’s my turn next year to give it a go
Hoping that my vice is that human dynamo
I’ve asked him but he’s still playing so hard to get
I’m sure he will do it when the correct terms are met
This week I witnessed a miracle that just blew my mind
For me at my age it was the first of it’s kind
On Monday Chris Budden in a buggy, crippled with pain
By Thursday he’s up and he’s walking again
So that’s it from me at the end of the week
I hope David’s happy with my little speak
It is what it is and it’s how things are
A really good week with team Potters Bar

Alan Oldham, Vice Captain

June 2026